Ah, life and all its ups and downs. Again, many months go by between my posts, but only because I am busy living and loving and changing and growing. Since my last post we have moved to San Diego with my husband's work, enabling us to be nearer to the wonder child that is Ezra. We have moved my mom in the midst of crisis and bad weather, holidays and a multitude of challenges to an assisted living facility in Phoenix where she is near my sister.
How I wish I had the presence of mind to have blogged in the times of turmoil and difficulty, but alas my mind was too occupied to commit to writing the difficulties such changes can bring. While the move has proved successful beyond our wildest dreams, the challenge and magnitude of the job my sister, Allison, and I faced was the greatest of my life thus far. For more years than I care to admit I have been gripped by fear about what this crisis would look like. Dad died twelve years ago and we soon began a conversation with Mom about moving from Colorado, where none of us had links, to Phoenix. While she wanted to, she just could not pull the trigger. I went eight times one year preparing the house to sell, purging carloads of stuff- that was eight years ago. Allison and I lamented over and over that this would all finally come to a head in a crisis - we knew we would face bad weather, medical emergencies, and a huge house to liquidate from afar - and that is exactly how it happened. In the middle of massive clean out left to just Allison and myself she said - "you know this is our fault! - How many times did we say this is how it would happen?" - She was right. We had to navigate all of it over the Christmas holidays, multiple snow storms, Mom hospitalized, developing pneumonia just as we were due to drive her to the new home - you name it the obstacles were thrown in our way. Did we manifest just such a scenario with our constant conversations about how it would all come to head at the worst possible time, under the worst possible conditions. I don't know, but it sure makes me think. How would it have been if we had continually said something more like "Well, mom will clearly be driven from her home under event driven circumstances, but we will manage and rise to the occasion!"
The fact is, navigating such huge life changes is very challenging, even scary, but we do rise to the occasion. I am terribly proud of my sisters and myself for how we have handled everything. All my anxiety and worry over how this could have been handled without crisis did no good whatsoever- it was my mom's life to manage, she was going to make her own choices, and she did. When it all came down to it she just let it all go and gave it all over to us to manage. After her initial hospitalization in early December for heart and lung failure and her decision to move to assisted living we began this odyssey. We researched options, finding just the right place, we bought her all new furniture and prepared her new home prior to her arrival, we drove 13 hours up to Colorado Springs to get her as the oxygen proved too difficult to fly with, we took more than 250 bags and boxes to Goodwill, we listed her home with a realtor, had it painted and cleaned, we liquidated the furniture, we drove her with as much stuff as two cars could carry to Phoenix despite oxygen and walker/wheelchair use, we have sold her car and her house sold, closing on Friday. Allison has navigated mom's health care and oxygen, I manage all of Mom's bills, and Mindy and her husband adopted the cat, also helping get the final things from Mom's home. We took it all as it came and continue to act in her best interests, involving her as much as she wants to be involved but managing matters for her. We communicate with one another over everything and show one another respect for how each of us can contribute to the change. More importantly than all the "stuff", Mom is doing really well having gained ten pounds since arriving at her new home. She has friends and activities as well as peace of mind and privacy, she has help when needed and we are grateful.
My reward is the other end of life's spectrum with my precious Ezra. His world grows and expands daily, and he is nothing but pure joy to all of us. This is life, my life, and I am blessed indeed.
